Sunday, August 22, 2010

Run away!! Raksha Bandhan is here!!

A guy approaches a woman he likes. He has been with her for sometime as 'friends', and now wants to take that next step. He makes the daring move, and musters the guts to ask her out. What does the woman do??

She ties a rakhi on the guy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Being a 'brother' to the woman you like means reaching Paris with someone, and then realising that you cannot spend your time with her, Paris style. It is the one thing that any bachelor would NOT want to happen in his life. Ever. Not even the married ones, I guess.

They say that diamonds are a woman's best friend. They got it completely wrong for the Indian woman. It's the rakhi.

Yes, friends. This is a weapon more powerful than those nukes that countries are fighting over. This is even more controversial than the CWG fiasco that is happening in Delhi right now. This is even more dangerous than George W. Bush being the President of the USA. Even God could not have found a harder punishment to give Indian men. 

And it does not end with the rakhi. Once the 'knot is tied', the man is obliged to then give the woman a gift! All the various things he had planned to gift her would be of no use now. His previous efforts in meticulously finding out what she wanted, all gone to waste. He is doomed to love this woman, brotherly style. And gift her in that same style. 

Through some extensive research (which means basically googling "Raksha Bandhan", finding the wikipedia page, and running through its contents), I have found that the history of this festival started from King Himayu. (Raksha Bandhan Wiki Page). Did this person not realise that by starting this, he has started a sort of mini revolution in Indian society? Did he not know that Indian women would be smart enough to adopt 'brothers', handpicking ONLY those who end up wanting to take the next step in their relationship with them?

I think that all Indian women look forward to this one day. I mean, lets face it. We men (you married ones included. ADMIT IT!!) follow, drool, oggle and ask out (atleast some of us men end up asking out) women 24*7. Women just absolutely needed something to protect themselves from....this insanity! Even if it is for a day, that small action of tying a teeny weeny thread on the hand of a man has everlasting effects. No sane man would want that to happen to him. NEVER!!

All you desi women out there. Have your day of freedom. Catch them men and bury them in eternal oblivion. You may win the battle. But you will never win the war.......

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The things you do to sell a mobile phone!

You are in this high performing store on Independence Day. The store is fully crowded, with customers actually waiting outside to come in. You are a new entrant as a Management Trainee, and you have no idea how to sell a phone. You have only heard of Sony Ericsson Zylo and Xperia X10. The former, because you've bought it, and the later, because you just tested it in another store. A customer (with her family) comes in, asking for Xperia X10. You eyes light up! It costs around Rs. 27k after all. Only good for the store to meet its target for the day!

Me : Welcome to The Mobile Store! How may I help you?

Customer : Tell me about Sony Ericsson Xperia X10.

Me : *Talks something about the phone which I hope is right. Makes sure that I tell the price correctly to the customer, though.*

Customer : How about the X10 Mini Pro. (It's price is about Rs 17k)

Me : *Talks about how the Xperia X10 is SOOO much better than a Mini Pro, for reasons everyone can guess.*

Customer : But I do not see the 'qwerty' keypad in the Xperia!! But I see one in the Mini Pro!!! How will I send SMSs?!?

Me : *Explains how it works in only touch screen phones, the keypad thingy.*

Customers' Daughter and Son : MOM!! Xperia is so much better!! GO FOR IT!! 

Customer : Arey! This mini pro is so much cheaper!!

Customers' Husband : You are a Doctor!! You can afford the X10!!

Me (Pitching in with faff) : My Dad is also a Doctor!! And he has the Xperia only!!

Me (Thinks) : Yeah Right!! My dad does not know ABC of Mobiles! 

Customers' Daughter to me : My mom doesn't listen to us! I saw the Youtube video of the Xperia, and it was amazing!! 

Me (To everyone) : Yes! I have tested it in another store, and it is an AMAZING PHONE!! A MUST BUY!

Customers' Husband : 27k is too much re. Reduce it for us! Give it for 25k!!

Me (Thinking fast of how to counter this) : Sir, we will give you a Reebok watch free!! It's worth *some amount*! Plus it is our anniversary!! We have a whole host of offers for you! (*Then proceeds to ask someone from the staff to tell the anniversary offers to the customer*)

Customer : OK. We will go to other stores and find out, and then we shall see.


Me (Actually says) : OK Ma'am. 

The same customer comes back in after sometime, and ends up buying the X10.

A very humbling experience for me. I finally understand how hard it is for the store people, who have to go through this everyday!!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Strategist needed - Who would you choose?


You have just started your company. You need the "best" minds to pan out a good strategy that will drive your company for centuries to come. After all, if you do not put it on paper properly, chances are that your company is doomed even before you have even come up with a name for it. Atleast, that's what these "strategists" say.

So, what kind of people would you choose to be your CSO, or Chief Strategic Officer, for your burgeoning organization?? Here are a few of my choices.


By far, my first choice for an effective strategist role in my company. Ever seen Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings"?? He has gone into so much detail that even Frodo Baggins would be surprised at how he has been described in the book! Pages and pages of detail, describing everything from the colour of the shoe lace to the number of ticks on the head of the person, really makes you think "Yes. He can strategise for me!!". 

Now, watch this interview by a very famous author. Notice the size of the book. Notice the jist of the book given by the author. Also, notice the answers he gives to all of the questions. All these point to classic strategist tendencies!

The kind of answers that an author gives to each and every question is just the kind of strategy I would want to implement in my company. This person will be able to come up with bookloads of strategies which you will conveniently give your suboordinates to read, interpret and implement.


This, I came up with, after watching the video above. These are the people who come in direct contact with the authors/screen players/my first choice of strategists. A lot of wisdom is gained by listening to other people. These people will most definitely learn the fine art of strategizing, and thus will be able to implement it to near perfection in my company.


Simple. They are cute and hot. People listen to cute and hot women.


These are the people who would have gone to the remotest locations in the world. They would have seen some places that you would never have heard of. Some of the places would be such that you would never understand that it was a place that they were talking about. In short, these place names become perfect strategic words, which could be used to compile any good strategy for any organization. 


Last but not the least, who can forget those fresh "Premier Institute" MBA Post-grads (or for short, PIMPs)? It's the PIMPs who will be able to come up with the most creative of strategies. After all , in their 2 years of Post Graduate "studies", they get to learn the art of "developing" "core" strategies for any organization, which, on paper atleast, will drive the organzation for millions of years. PIMPs also come up with, again on paper, the best solutions to any problem faced by any company.

After all, I fall in this category. I would most definitely appoint myself to be a strategist in my company!

PIMPs also have a good eye for other strategists. They will be able to easily decipher a strategist from a..... non-strategist, and will immediately involve these people in driving core values and competencies in the main strategy of the organization. (If you have not understood that last sentence, then I have proven myself to be a great strategist)

These are the main people I would look at as a possible candidate. Any other person would be rejected on the spot. All this though, if and ONLY IF, I do start my organization. Otherwise, all you other budding entrepreneurs, use these people as your main strategists!!