Pros and cons - Doc in the family.

Not many of you out there have had a doc for a dad or a mum. So I'm pretty sure that you guys would have had quite sometime trying to get in touch with one, asking for the doc's advice, second opinions and what not.

What does it feel like having a doc in the family? Have any one of you thought "How I wish my Mom/Dad were a doctor?" Well, here are some of the pros and cons (Not exhaustive by any means. I will add more as I get more) of having one in your immediate family (Mom/Dad types. Might work if you have really close relatives too).

Advantages of having a Doc in the family

1. He can get you an appointment with any other Doc at anytime. All he needs to do is barge into the Doc's room at anytime, with that stethoscope of his, and within a couple of sentences, you got yourself a high priority appointment.

Doc in the family (Barging into the theater when the other doc is doing an operation) : HEEY THERE!!! This here is my boy. He has a tooth ache. Please make it go away, pronto!

Doc (who is performing the surgery) : Right away!! HEY YOU JUNIOR DOC, take care of this while I look into the curious case of the Doc's son here, will ya?

Junior Doc : But Doc.... I don't know what to do....

Doc (who is performing the surgery) : aaaeee! Just insert this needle thingy right there, and see where it goes. Elementary!

And thus, your appointment is fixed.

2. If you say the right things, after the initial introduction, you can get your appointments for anything at anytime of your convenience.

Doc : You'll have this very important surgery done on Tuesday!!

Me : But Doc, I have a wedding to attend that day

Doc : OK. Let's have that very important surgery done on Wednesday!!

Me : Wicked.

3. You can say anything you want about what you do, or even about simple household appliances, like the computer. Chances are that the doc (your dad/mom) will accept it word for word, and will try to implement it too.

Me : Hey Doc (Mom/Dad), did you know that if you just sat in front of the computer, it would switch on... JUST BY ITSELF!! I modified the internal circuitry of the system to suit the requirements.... and Eyjafjallajökull (for those who actually are surprised by this word, read my previous post on B-school internship .)

Doc : Hey!! That's great!

About an hour later

Doc : Son... I've been sitting there for an hour and the system still hasn't switched on!

Me : Ha Ha! Gotcha! AGAIN!

Doc : We'll see about that when you get acute chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis! (This is a disadvantage. The Doc can always get back at you with his Doc Talk.)

Me : :|

Disadvantages of having a Doc in the family

1. You could end up listening to everything the other Doc says. And it doesn't sound like a nightingale. Not even to Florence. Makes you wonder whether they would make good consultants, though.

Doc : The previous examination showed us that the filling in the root canal cavity was not properly performed. A look at the X-Ray (Pointing at something on the film), shows that there are a lot of cysts formed due to the prolonged exposure of the infection to the cavity. Hence, a huge cyst has formed, leading to your current situation of *something*sclerosis. What we will need to perform is a MINOR (That's an attempt to keep me from screaming my head out) *something*ectomy (Oh. Doc talk. Very ectomic.) on you. 

Don't worry. It will involve only minor plumbing and digging into your teeth.(OK that last sentence is what I understood from the conversation. It's a good enough summary, though.)

Me : Want to work for my consulting company?? You'd blend in easily. You can do medical insurance.

2. The Doc in the family has the same cure for any problem that you will have. So will his/her spouse who, after so many years of marriage, would have enough knowledge to get a people's MBBS (You know. The one where he/she feeds information based solely on the experience gained through marriage), and start having second opinions of their own.

Me : My stomach's not all right.... uuggghhhh I don't feel so good.

Doc : Here is some paracetamol, you knucklehead.

OR

Me (After some research of my own) : AIIYYYOO!! I have acute chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis!!!

Doc : Oh....Here is some paracetamol, you knucklehead.

Spouse : How about some rabeprazole. Isn't it better?

Doc : Oh yeah. Here is some rabeprazole, you knucklehead.

Me : RAABBIIEEESS WWHHAAAATT?!?!?!??

Doc and Spouse (in unison) : KNUCKLEHEAD!

So, all of you who had aspirations of having a doc as your mom/dad, think again. Evaluate. Use porter's 5 forces. Strategize. Then harbour those aspirations once again.

My mom knows me best!!

Mom : DDDDAAAAIIII!! Come and do this for me.

Me : I want to be paid by the hour!

Mom : OK. An extra dosa for every hour of work done.

Me : What about overtime?

Mom : Extra Thaiiru chaadam (Curd Rice) for that.

My Mom knows me best!!

Kerala Rhymes - These lyrics can be used instead of the original.

Oh yeah. The musician in me coming out. Aaha, aaha!!

"Take me down to the "Gods Own Country", where the trees (and basically everything else) is green and the girls are .... ummm.... well..... they outnumber the number of guys, OH WON'T YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOOOOOMMMMEE!!"

Oh, and now I see an alternate career in the music industry. A.R. Rahman and Anu Malik, here I come! Woot!

The ultimate survival kit for any B-School internship season

DISCLAIMER : Any relevance with the real world is purely expected. Oh, and incidental too.

It's the intenship season now. Prayers are the order of the day. Lots of interns are well on their way to plotting ways of getting the coveted PPOs, while some others wish and pray that those other interns actually get their PPOs. Company executives are frantically finding out innovative "strategies" to "involve" the interns in the "working" of their organization.

So how do you survive these couple of "survey" filled, "e-mail sending SOS's desparately asking for help" filled months? Here's how.

THE INTERN'S SIDE

Imagine you are doing your internship. You are at your best behaviour. All suited up. Facebook only for those couple of hours when your mentor is out having lunch/smoke. But, despite all your efforts asking seniors for solutions/ googling for answers/ begging people to take your surveys (I have taken all your surveys!! Please take mine!! Only couple of minutes. And 125 questions. ONLY!) , you have not been able to find out anything significant to present your mentor.

What do you do?

STRATEGIZE.

STEP 1 : The PPT. They say Porter is the father of strategy. I disagree. Bill Gates is. If not for this piece of software, your strategy would never work. You would actually have to ONLY talk your way out of every situation. For you non-talkers, that's a strict NO NO!!

Number of slides, very important. The mentor says "Keep it short and sweet". You make it a point to put in atleast 125 of them. That's the least. Anything more is a bonus.

What you put in those slides, not so much important. Very VERY secondary. Lot's of graphs, IMPORTANT. Quoting Wikipedia is akin to standing bare armed and naked in front of Hitler. You are begging to be killed on the spot. Instead, carefully take all the links quoted from wikipedia, and quote them. It's all the same.

STEP 2 : Keep in touch with your mentor. Frequently. You need to give him the impression that you are working really hard.

Bending the truth a bit doesn't hurt anyone. You say "I am currently interacting with the primary age group sample size, and am very close to getting answers to the primary research, through the various multilateral interactions and surveys", when you would actually be poking your friends on Facebook. And GTalking.

You non-talkers, better start learning such small small things. They go a big way to the success of your strategy.

STEP 3 : Use of "strategic" words. These are words that no one would ever understand, but will still nod as though they understood everything that you were saying.

Like "Eyjafjallajökull".

You : ...Sir, the porters five forces enhances the main point of this strategy to bring to the masses the core ideology of strategically accepting the phased inclusion of the product into the primary market.

Mentor : mmmmm....

You : And Eyjafjallajökull.

Mentor : Brilliant! Implement it immediately!

Particularly works well with mentors who are in very high positions.

Follow these steps very carefully. And I guarantee you, you will get your coveted PPOs, and live a life of constant Farmvilling, Mafia Warsing, IP messengering and all those other beautiful wonderful things that a B-school life has to offer in your second year.


THE MENTOR'S SIDE

Imagine you are this employee in this organization. You are doing your normal work. You have a complete routine set. Coffee breaks, one each in the morning and evening, for an hour each. Lunch break for an hour. Check the latest football/cricket news on the free internet provided to you by the office the rest of the time. Ah, things could not get any better.

Then, pandemonium. Crisis!! You are assigned an intern. Not just any intern. A B-school intern. You know, those strategizing types.

What do you do?

COUNTER STRATEGIZE.

Step 1 : Assign a topic to your intern that would take yourself a million years to understand. And is of absolutely no significance to your company. And give them a deadline of one week to come up with an initial PoA. (Plan of Action. But make sure you say it as PoA only.)

You know for sure that the intern will enjoy and rest the first 6 days, and frantically ask their seniors/Google/take surveys on the final day before the deadline. But, it atleast takes them off your shoulders, and gives you the time to think of how you can use your swanky new Micromax mobile to mute your wife/girlfriend. And go "What the BEEP!".

Step 2 : This will happen during the week. The intern will come to you in-between to let u "know" that he/she is actually working on that non-existant project that you don't even remember the name.

Questions like "Should I do this or that?", "What should be the order of the PoA?" will come up very often.

Reply back by saying "You Decide. You're the boss of this project!!"

The intern will then think "Oh Wow! I've got a very entrepreneurial mentor! I'm sure to get my PPO!!" and will go back to his/her relaxing ways.

This step is very lengthy in terms of length of the internship. Usually this continues until all deadlines are met.

Step 3 : The final presentation. Intern comes to you a day before with a "draft" PPT. He/She shows it to you with full enthu, fully expecting a shower of praises on the "exciting and insightful" work put in this project (What was the name of it, again?).

Make sure you put in suggestions of your own, just to spice it up a bit.

"How about a porters five force model of the industry as a whole? It will give a holistic view of your project"

"Put a very effective exit strategy for your project. It could mean life or death for the organization!!"

Also, subtly send the message that a 125 slide PPT is required, minimum. Usually "Make it short and sweet" does the trick.

Step 4 : The final presentation. The day of the presentation. The whole management team has come. You are scared. Petrified even. I am going to miss my IPL streaming of the match on youtube today... NO SACHIN, you think. You tweet that thought even.

Wait for the right moment to let the management team know that your intern has finished with his/her presentation. Usually the time comes when one of those "strategic" words are spoken. Doesn't matter whether the intern has actually finished the presentation or not. You need to watch Sachin play.

Intern : ..... And Eyjafjallajökull.

You : Brilliant! Implement it immediately!

Intern : Contin.....

You : That will be all my friend!!

Wait for the reaction of the management team.

Huge thunderous applause : The intern gets a PPO.

Applause : The intern gets a PPI.

"Eh. I need to watch Sachin play!!" : Oops. Zilch. Nothing. "Hope you have great interviews elsewhere" you tell your intern. Or "We are in a hiring freeze strategy at the moment. Recession, you see".

There you go. Crisis averted. You get your free time, and the intern is "happy" with the "deep insights and thorough learning" that he/she got from this project. Both sides are happy.

So, this is the ultimate survival kit for you interns and mentors, during this tumultuous, rip roaring B-School internship season. Use it at your own discretion.

Yeamasing Kochi Claimmette!

4 PM : Bright and sunny. Hot too. (OK. HOT is maybe too much to say. You need to be in Delhi to experience HOTness. Unless of course, you see me *WINK*.). Need I talk about the humidity?

4.30 PM : Dark and cloudy. And windy. Very windy. Almost cyclonic windy.

4.45 PM : It's still windy. AND its raining. No. POURING. No. (A word to describe rains that are even more heavy than "POURING").

5 PM : The wind's stopped. But it's still raining cats and dogs.

5.30 PM : WOW. It's only drizzling now. As much as it would in the whole of Delhi's rainy season.

5.45 PM : No rains. Heavy thunder and lightning. It's as loud as the fireworks procession at the Thrissur pooram. Even more. And the lightning comes as close to the earth as it possibly can.

6 PM : Everything's stopped. And the weather has become very VERY cool. Perfect weather to go out and enjoy!!

So, this is how it is. On the dot. Everyday. Yep. EVERYDAY. As I write this, the weather has reached the 4.30 PM stage. Kochi weather is just simply amazing.

Name that volcano.

You just know you're going to take a looooooooooong time when you try pronouncing the name of this, now very famous, volcano that's creating havoc in Europe.

Even more busy days ahead?

The looooooonnnggg looooooooongg two months spent after getting my job offer has seen me going to the following places :

1) Kurukshetra

2) Delhi - There is a LOT to see in Delhi!!

3) Jaipur

4) Agra

5) Mathura

6) Pune

7) Goa

8) Amritsar

9) Mcleodganj

10) Dhanaulti

11) Rishikesh

12) Haridwar

Not bad for a couple of months, is it?

Now to see where I can go to in the next couple of months..... Here's a possible list

1) Bengaluru

2) Hyderabad

3) Chennai

4) Thrissur - for the Thrissur Pooram, of course (For those ill-informed, read : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrissur_Pooram .)

5) Road trip across Karnataka.

6) Going all across Kerala once again.

Sure looks like its going to be pretty busy, the next few months (or till the time i have to join, whichever is sooner).

I will have to make full use of the time I have!!